I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
