K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Randomize
