Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Randomize
