I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.�
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
