you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Randomize
