Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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