Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
The best revenge is premature balding
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
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