He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
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