I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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