O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
