ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
