Someone shit on the floor
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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