weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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