Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
Brb crying the tears of my youth
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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