Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
