Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
