I'm sorry my penis didn't work
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
