I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
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