I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Randomize
