Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
All the doctor said was why
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
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