She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
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