we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
