My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
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