PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
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