Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
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Randomize
