Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
