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Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
