24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
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