They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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