I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Randomize
