im six kinds of drunk right now
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
