She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
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