I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Randomize
