I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
