Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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