My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
