he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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