So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
