I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
