I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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