I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
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