This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
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