You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
