I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Randomize
