Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(859): View more from Kentucky

Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.

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(407): View more from Florida

If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.

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(619): View more from California

I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.

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(573): View more from Missouri

Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.

(573): View more from Missouri

I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.

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(740): View more from Ohio

it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second

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(303): View more from Colorado

I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.

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(608): View more from Wisconsin

It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw

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(218): View more from Minnesota

I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.

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(306): View more from Saskatchewan

I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.

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