You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
Randomize
