Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
I have grass duct taped all over my body
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
