I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
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