I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Randomize
