I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
