I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
