singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
