The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
